Why Fear is a Feminist Issue

I said this blog was about women.  Because I am a woman, and I am a feminist.  So let's talk about one of the most important issues in feminism, and how it relates to the topic of Christian women and crippling fear.

As a mom who is nursing a 4-month-old while trying to finish her graduate degree, I spend a lot of time in my campus's Women's Resource Center expressing breast milk for my daughter.  As a Christian woman using the pumping room to pump for my son when I first started graduate school, I was initially a little afraid to spend much time in there, thinking I wouldn't fit in with the pro-choicers or that the wonderful women who run the center (who are also lesbians) would be hostile toward me if they found out I was a Christian.  I had these concerns even though I already considered myself a feminist!  But two-and-a-half years later, there is no place on campus that I find more refreshing.

Why?  Because women are awesome, and because feminism touches on so many important topics, besides abortion.  In fact, one of the most important things the Women's Resource Center (WRC) does on my campus, is something that heavily influences my decision to write about fear as a Feminist issue.  The WRC on my campus spends a lot of time educating both men and women about date rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence.  They also have support groups and offer counseling referrals for women who have been victims of domestic or sexual violence.  When feminists say that a woman has a right to her own body, many people assume they are only talking about abortion,  but usually they are just as much talking about issues of sexual assault.

In these education sessions about sexual assault and in recovery groups, one of the most important messages the WRC sends to women who have been victims of any kind of assault is this: Even if you were drunk, even if you never explicitly said "no," even if your skirt was a little short, it is not your fault this happened to you.  This is often a liberating message, because, believe or not, one thing that comes out of our culture of fear, is a culture of victim-blaming.  And it is prevalent in America today.

Don't believe me?  Think America is progressive and no longer sexist just because so many women enjoy careers?  What about the recent story of Ines Sainz, the reporter who was sexually harrassed by the New York Jets simply for being present in and around their locker room?  There was a lot of victim-blaming going on in her case, even though she was never the one to press charges.  In her case, perhaps people didn't see it as a big deal, because she wasn't actually assaulted.  But the fact that there was so much discussion about whether it was her fault that she received rude comments from men shows that we have far to go on this front.

So, what does this have to do with the culture of fear?  Everything.  The culture of fear and the culture of victim-blaming are inextricably linked.  For example, imagine that a woman who works late is walking home from work and is mugged or sexually or otherwise assaulted.  What is the first thing people are likely to say?  "Well, what was she thinking?  Being out late at night by herself, that's just crazy!"  Really?  Was it her fault that she wasn't "safe" to walk the streets anytime she pleased?  No, it's her assailant's fault.  Always.  Plain and simple.

I could go on and on.  So many things that we are told we should not do because of the culture of fear are simple freedoms that women should be able to enjoy along with everyone else.  Including taking a walk by ourselves whenever and wherever, riding our bikes in the street, and wearing attractive -- even "sexy" -- clothing.  Now, are these things actually safe for us to do in reality, without being assaulted?  That is a topic for another post, and you might be surprised at how safe some of these things actually are.
BUT even if a woman were not safe doing these things, she should be.  And the culture will never change if we all just stay at home and let fear cripple us.

As it is, many of us are afraid to do some of these things, not just because our culture (or the local news) is telling us to be afraid, but because we know, deep down inside, that on the off-chance that something does happen to us or our children, we will be blamed, and we will blame ourselves.  As a feminist, I refuse to tolerate victim-blaming any longer.  In my opinion, it is worse than mansplaining, because it is perhaps done more by women (when it comes to "safety" issues) than men, and we need to support each other, not tear each other down.  I will be bold and courageous, and do what I feel is right.

Is it wrong for you to be afraid to walk home alone at night?  No.  As women, we know we are particularly vulnerable, especially to sexual assault, and our culture teaches us to be afraid.  But is it wrong for a woman to walk home alone at night, because she might get assaulted and then it would be her fault? Absolutely not!

If and when we find ourselves as the victims of assault or tragedy, we often ask ourselves 101 "what-ifs," wanting to feel better knowing that there was "nothing we could have done" to prevent it.  But that's not the right way to think.  We need to place blame where blame is due.  If you, or anyone you know, has ever been a victim, please know this:  Crime is never anyone's fault but the criminal's.  You are not to blame if you were assaulted, attacked, or raped.  In fact, even if your child was assaulted, and you feel you should have done something to prevent it, it is still not your fault unless you assisted in it.  It is always the fault of the one doing the assaulting.

Let us reject this culture of fear and victim-blaming and start asserting our rights to function as normal human-beings, following our dreams and callings, and not going around pointing fingers at each other that would much better be pointed at those who set out to do our fellow women harm.  If we stop condemning victims and start condemning those who made them victims, then we are on the right track to actually changing the world.  

Crippling Fear

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." -- C.S. Lewis

What I am about to write about is the most important thing I have learned this year: what is keeping me, and every woman, down is this culture of fear, and the thing we are threatened with the most is becoming so fearful that we never actually change the world.

As Christians, we like to tell each other that "God has not given us a spirit of fear" or that "the most frequent command in the Bible is 'Do not be afraid'" (I have not run a statistical test on that, but it seems plausible to me.)  We like to do that so that we don't have to deal with each other's anxieties, so that we can quote a scripture to our friend and then move on, not helping her to actually deal with whatever fear is threatening to cripple her.  And because we ourselves are afraid and don't know what else to do but try to quote that scripture in order to make ourselves magically un-afraid.

As women, we are the primary victims and progenitors of the culture of fear in America.  In some ways, it makes sense.  We are usually the ones who are responsible for taking care of children, and keeping them safe is instinctually important -- it is a basic human desire that our children live to be adults.  But as Christians, we are called to be different from the rest of the world, to surpass our natural "instincts" and to change the world, which means changing the culture.

Does this mean that we willfully and knowingly put our children in harm's way in order to change the world?  It depends on what we consider to be "harm's way."  Before I go any further, let me remind you of a scripture that rips my heart out every time I think of changing the world for God:

"If anyone comes to me, and does not hate  father and mother, his wife and children -- yes, even their own life -- such a person cannot be my disciple." -- Jesus, Luke 14:26, TNIV

Really?  Hate? Really?  Well I will not claim that Jesus' words were completely literal, but I think that claiming they were hyperbolic is robbing them of their strength.  Jesus would not have used strong words -- such as hate if he had not intended to make a strong statement.

I believe the above-mentioned scripture is telling us, that compared to our love for God and for being his disciple, our love for ourselves and our family should look like hate.  That means that if we know that we know that we know that our life's calling is to serve as missionaries in a dangerous place, we cannot let the excuse of "but it's not safe for my family" get in the way.  Do we take precautions? Yes.  Do we run into warzones with our children in our arms and no plans to keep them safe?  No.  But do we stay in our comfortable suburbs even though we are called to be elsewhere?  That would be disobedience.  And having parents who are disobedient to God is not what's best for our children, even if they are safe in their rear-facing carseats and their low-crime neighborhoods.

Please do not misunderstand me.  It is right to use your resources to protect your children when you are placing them in danger -- as you are every time you are driving a car.  I am not saying that anyone who promotes safety issues is being overly fearful and should chill out.  I'm not saying that at all.

But I'm saying this:  Protecting our children is not noble.  It's instinctual.  What I mean is what Jesus meant when he said, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them." (Luke 6:32, NIV)

So when I am tempted to refrain from doing something, big or small, that I believe I should do to live out my values (such as ride a bicycle instead of drive a car, or work on the mission field) because of fear, for myself or my family, I take a step back and say to myself, "Is this something I know that I am being called to do, in order to actually change the world?"  And if the answer is "yes," I do it, with as many safety precautions in place as I can have while still doing it.  Because I am not called to "the wisdom of this world" (1 Cor. 3:19) but I am called to a higher standard -- to actually change the world, even at personal risk to myself and yes, sometimes, even to my family.

P.S. I know this topic makes people crazy, so the next few posts will address the ideas of fear, safety, courage, and changing the world.  Stay tuned.  

Actually Change the World

I am committed to actually changing the world.  

What do I mean by actually changing the world?  Do I mean as opposed to pretending to change the world, or trying and failing to change the world, or just saying that I’m changing the world?  

What I mean is that our generation is coming into our own -- having 10- and 15-year high school reunions, having children, starting careers -- and it is time we look at ourselves and ask, “What am I doing and what will I do to actually change the world?”

Because it isn’t changing as rapidly as one would expect, despite all the criticism “the world” has received.  

And we are the best culture critics, with our blogs and Facebook statuses ready and poised to link to the newest article about something our culture needs to change. 

And that’s a start.  The links and the blogs and the idea-swapping are all part of our generation’s attempt to change the world in a new way.  

But there has to be more.  If we are going to do something real, something other than complain and say something needs to change, then we have to make choices that separate us from other generations.  And those of use who are Christians have to live lifestyles that are radically different from those around us -- and not just morally. 

This culture isn’t working for us.  It doesn’t work for women, it doesn’t work for the environment, and it won’t work for future generations.  As Americans, we are wasteful and drowning in a slough of bad habits -- bad habits that will do more than give us diabetes and heart disease and make us obese.  Not only will the habits we are all caught in help us to destroy ourselves quicker, they will lead to the destruction of our planet and, for those of us who care, will delay the fulfillment of the Great Commission.  

As a human, the destruction of our planet is serious business.  As a Christian, the delay of the fulfillment of the Great Commission is even more serious.  

I believe that women are not only equal to men, but that we are just as powerful when it comes to our ability to change the world.  But we are keeping ourselves down.  How?  That I will reveal in a later post.  

For now, I am asking you to think: What does your life need to look like if you are going to actually change the world?  Maybe you aren’t an environmentalist or aren’t into liveable cities and sustainable transportation, which are some of the things I care about -- maybe you see other issues that continue to plague you and you feel like your lifetime will not quite be satisfactory if it ends without some progress being made on these issues.  No issue is too big or too small.  You were born to make a difference, and if you think otherwise, then you are not understanding your role as a human being, let alone as a Christian.  That’s OK.  Keep reading and you will see that you can and should actually change the world.