I said this blog was about women. Because I am a woman, and I am a feminist. So let's talk about one of the most important issues in feminism, and how it relates to the topic of Christian women and crippling fear.
As a mom who is nursing a 4-month-old while trying to finish her graduate degree, I spend a lot of time in my campus's Women's Resource Center expressing breast milk for my daughter. As a Christian woman using the pumping room to pump for my son when I first started graduate school, I was initially a little afraid to spend much time in there, thinking I wouldn't fit in with the pro-choicers or that the wonderful women who run the center (who are also lesbians) would be hostile toward me if they found out I was a Christian. I had these concerns even though I already considered myself a feminist! But two-and-a-half years later, there is no place on campus that I find more refreshing.
Why? Because women are awesome, and because feminism touches on so many important topics, besides abortion. In fact, one of the most important things the Women's Resource Center (WRC) does on my campus, is something that heavily influences my decision to write about fear as a Feminist issue. The WRC on my campus spends a lot of time educating both men and women about date rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence. They also have support groups and offer counseling referrals for women who have been victims of domestic or sexual violence. When feminists say that a woman has a right to her own body, many people assume they are only talking about abortion, but usually they are just as much talking about issues of sexual assault.
In these education sessions about sexual assault and in recovery groups, one of the most important messages the WRC sends to women who have been victims of any kind of assault is this: Even if you were drunk, even if you never explicitly said "no," even if your skirt was a little short, it is not your fault this happened to you. This is often a liberating message, because, believe or not, one thing that comes out of our culture of fear, is a culture of victim-blaming. And it is prevalent in America today.
Don't believe me? Think America is progressive and no longer sexist just because so many women enjoy careers? What about the recent story of Ines Sainz, the reporter who was sexually harrassed by the New York Jets simply for being present in and around their locker room? There was a lot of victim-blaming going on in her case, even though she was never the one to press charges. In her case, perhaps people didn't see it as a big deal, because she wasn't actually assaulted. But the fact that there was so much discussion about whether it was her fault that she received rude comments from men shows that we have far to go on this front.
So, what does this have to do with the culture of fear? Everything. The culture of fear and the culture of victim-blaming are inextricably linked. For example, imagine that a woman who works late is walking home from work and is mugged or sexually or otherwise assaulted. What is the first thing people are likely to say? "Well, what was she thinking? Being out late at night by herself, that's just crazy!" Really? Was it her fault that she wasn't "safe" to walk the streets anytime she pleased? No, it's her assailant's fault. Always. Plain and simple.
I could go on and on. So many things that we are told we should not do because of the culture of fear are simple freedoms that women should be able to enjoy along with everyone else. Including taking a walk by ourselves whenever and wherever, riding our bikes in the street, and wearing attractive -- even "sexy" -- clothing. Now, are these things actually safe for us to do in reality, without being assaulted? That is a topic for another post, and you might be surprised at how safe some of these things actually are.
BUT even if a woman were not safe doing these things, she should be. And the culture will never change if we all just stay at home and let fear cripple us.
As it is, many of us are afraid to do some of these things, not just because our culture (or the local news) is telling us to be afraid, but because we know, deep down inside, that on the off-chance that something does happen to us or our children, we will be blamed, and we will blame ourselves. As a feminist, I refuse to tolerate victim-blaming any longer. In my opinion, it is worse than mansplaining, because it is perhaps done more by women (when it comes to "safety" issues) than men, and we need to support each other, not tear each other down. I will be bold and courageous, and do what I feel is right.
Is it wrong for you to be afraid to walk home alone at night? No. As women, we know we are particularly vulnerable, especially to sexual assault, and our culture teaches us to be afraid. But is it wrong for a woman to walk home alone at night, because she might get assaulted and then it would be her fault? Absolutely not!
If and when we find ourselves as the victims of assault or tragedy, we often ask ourselves 101 "what-ifs," wanting to feel better knowing that there was "nothing we could have done" to prevent it. But that's not the right way to think. We need to place blame where blame is due. If you, or anyone you know, has ever been a victim, please know this: Crime is never anyone's fault but the criminal's. You are not to blame if you were assaulted, attacked, or raped. In fact, even if your child was assaulted, and you feel you should have done something to prevent it, it is still not your fault unless you assisted in it. It is always the fault of the one doing the assaulting.
Let us reject this culture of fear and victim-blaming and start asserting our rights to function as normal human-beings, following our dreams and callings, and not going around pointing fingers at each other that would much better be pointed at those who set out to do our fellow women harm. If we stop condemning victims and start condemning those who made them victims, then we are on the right track to actually changing the world.
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